After the shocking poison attack in Salisbury by Russian agents, who nobody has found, seen, or even proof that they did it, Putin has ordered his invisible agents to attack Brits with their favorite food, Baked Beans!
The first attack was on a car parked incorrectly in front of the BAE factory, makers of submarine parts, in Barrow, Cumbria. Russian invisible spies obviously thought by attacking the car with Baked Beans, and creating a slippery mess, they could slip in the back boor without being noticed and put spanners in the works of important submarine parts!
Another Baked Bean attack happened in front of the Russian Embassy as Boris Johnson pulled up in his armored Jaguar hoping Putin would accept his efforts to get asylum in Moscow! However, Putin's invisible spies coated his Jaguar with Baked Beans, Boris's favorite breakfast, beans on toast, hoping that would be enough to thwart any attempt BOJO could manage into becoming a double-agent for Putin!
Baked Beans have been removed from many shelves in UK supermarkets because MI5 have claimed they could become WMD's and, Mrs May, not a Baked Bean fan because she hates farting in public, agrees that until Syria has been removed from the face of the planet, Russia could use Baked Beans to attack the UK instead of nuking the place. As we all know, Baked Beans can be very explosive, and Russians, who devour masses of cabbage, know all about the consequences of highly-explosive, combustible farts!
Heinz, US major Baked Bean producers have offered the UK public an alternative to calm down hordes of screaming kids demanding their beans on toast; a sugar free, GMO, sweet corn, that is non-combustible after eating, but sadly only available after 2019 and Brexit because the EU has banned all GMO's from the US.
Invisible Russian spies are now looking for other idiosyncratic products to attack the UK with, and have decided to bombard the UK with pink jelly beans...More as we swallow it all...