When the FBI Comes Knocking, It's Time to Get Your Party Rocking

Funny story written by Michael Balton

Thursday, 10 August 2017

image for When the FBI Comes Knocking, It's Time to Get Your Party Rocking
A cake would be nice.

Inside the Government.… A surprise FBI raid on the home of a former Trump advisor has the Beltway in a panic. The insiders are wondering…What if I'm next?

In fact there's no need to worry. As long as you follow the suggestions offered here, you can turn even the rudest raid into a strategic triumph.

Start by not acting surprised. That means unlocking your front door and opening it wide. Offer the intruders a friendly invitation to enter.

Depending upon your degree of guilt or innocence, an offering of refreshments may be in order. This may range from a plate of milk and cookies for each raider to a full-blown hot and cold buffet. You want to keep those Tummys from growling so they don't start yelling at you.

Get the music going right away. Create a playlist of blues and country western favorites to set a melancholy mood. We want these folks to sympathize with you.

Put the documents they are looking for right up front on a big table where they can be easily reached. Mix in a generous helping of family photos and other scrapbook materials that will help make this fishing expedition more personal.

Offer an extragavent doorprize, like the family car.

Find unique ways to get hundred dollar bills circulating throughout the party.

Consider the use of escorts and upstairs bedrooms as a further reward for the Agents. You must be sitting on some hot stuff to require this tactic. I'm just saying.

End it all with a timely punctuation mark… A new Rolex for each and every agent. That party parting gift will put you on the right side of the law in an instant. So turn out that funky music. It's party time. FBI style….

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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