Friday, 27 October 2017

image for Unknown cook wins Chef of the Year award
A happy customer sits down to a trouser pie

A restaurant owner in Wales has won the prestigious Chef of the Year award for 2017. It is a trophy given by the International Food Tasters And Gluttons of Paris, and is highly regarded. The winner Geoff Fork, 46, of Swansea, was surprised at the result.

"I started off with me own burger van a few years ago," he explained. "I was doing ok, but I kept running out of burger meat. So one day, I used my underwear instead. It was a bit greasy but it worked ok. That day I sold more burgers than ever before, and people couldn't get enough of it. So I kept on doing it. Pretty soon I was going through a hundred pairs of underpants a week, but it worked out cheaper than burger meat anyway."

Soon, Mr Fork began experimenting with other clothes-based foodstuffs, and he finally opened his own restaurant last year. The winning eatery is called Laundry and its award-winning dishes include chicken pantaloon, shoe-fflé and roast bra.

Food critic Geoff Stuffing was drooling down his cardigan over the place. "Every week," he said, "after I do my laundry, I come here - to Laundry - and find something I can eat. I've been tempted to experiment at home but my own clothes cooking is terrible. My favourite dish is the balaclava baklava."

Other food reviewers were less complimentary. On food review site Yell-hog, Laundry has an average score of 3 out of 5. One review says that its flambéed blazer with kipper tie was pretentious but tasted as if it had been made in McDonalds. Another complained that the jelly chaussette was too sweaty.

However, among professional critics, it is hard to find anyone who doesn't like Laundry. Geoff Fork is now about to branch out into kitchen appliances. He will be releasing his own barbecuing iron, as well as a trouser press toaster.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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