Local Woman Literally Can't Even

Saturday, 13 August 2016

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Zara Beresford was rescued from her home last night by paramedics that were called to the scene with reports that she literally couldn't even.

She was taking pictures of her dinner when she suddenly realised that the left and right sides of her brain had gone numb, and she was unable to complete coherent sentences without using the word "bae".

Realising that these are the classic symptoms of literally not even being able, she typed a desperate plea for help to her friends on the Twitter.

"Bae gone crae literally cant even #999 #yolo" she typed.

Thankfully, one of her forty-seven thousand followers was able to contact emergency services, who rushed to the scene to stabilise Miss Beresford.

A doctor who spoke to the Spoof confirmed that Miss Beresford was recovering, and is not expected to suffer any lasting neural damage, "not that anyone would notice".

She has already regained her ability to figuratively even, and her ability to literally even is expected to return within the week.

While I was unable to wangle an interview with Miss Beresford, her Twitter feed seems to alleviate the concerns of her friends, with her latest message reading "you go girl #recovered #ambulance #dinnerinbed" followed by fourteen smiley faces and a picture of a dog of no discernible significance.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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