We've all heard about people receiving organ transplants and then experiencing a change in personality, or even that woman who got a new arm only to be strangled to death by it, but imagine being the world's first recipient of a full eye transplant only to wake up a peeping Tom.
Well, Wally Spankerton, 85, a practising homophobe and former racist, claims the pioneering surgery he received at Little Divot Royal Infirmary has turned him into exactly that.
Mr Spankerton told us, " I lost my sight a couple of years ago. I won't go into the exact details but let's just say my mother warned me it would happen if I kept fiddling with it. Anyway, it was very traumatic. I had to give up being a racist because I couldn't tell the difference between black and white people anymore. Fortunately I've been able to continue as a homophobe because I can identify a gay just from their funny voices."
After pausing to hurl homophobic abuse through his living room window at a passing cat, he droned on, " Imagine my delight when my ophthalmologist found a suitable donor. It was risky but I'd nowt to lose. Or so I thought. To my horror, once my new eyes had settled in I started getting an irresistible urge to peer into ladies bedroom windows and also began sneaking into the women's locker room at the local swimming pool. Now I'm devastated. "
After leaving Mr Spankerton's squalid home we contacted his consultant ophthalmologist, Mr I.C Baddeley, for his take on these claims. He told us the claims were, "total bollocks", and that he'd overheard Mr Spankerton telling a nurse he'd had a peek at her in the nurses shower room. The nurse reported him that next day.
In Mr Baddeley's opinion Mr Spankerton is, "just an old perv."
Off the record, the genial surgeon also told us the donor was a black gay man with no history of voyeurism, thus rendering Mr Spankerton's reasoning as total nonsense.
Shortly afterwards we called Mr Spankerton to get his reaction. After some loud shrieking and a manic fleshy sounding scratching noise, he bellowed, "WHAT? NOOOOOOOO! My eyes came from a gay black man? Bloody Nora! I wish I was still blind. It's a damn good job I gave up being a racist otherwise I'd be really bloody angry. Right, where's that spoon?"
He then hung up.
Mr Spankerton will be appearing at Little Divot Crown Court early next week on charges of voyeurism and being a pervy old git.
