Top Gear review the new car range from Sparks and Mensa

Funny story written by IainB

Monday, 25 November 2013

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The Startled does 0-60 in two seconds

Sparks and Mensa, better known for their high street stores for the cleverest of clever clogs, has branched out from branches into the automotive industry.

"We're quite excited about this new range from S&M," said Jeremy Clarkson, who had test driven the entire range. "They've called the range Emotion in Motion."

Each of the new cars looks very car-like from most angles, but when seen in a rear-view mirror, the headlights look like eyes with different emotions.

"The cheap end of the range is called Melancholy," said Clarkson. "When you see the droopy headlights coming towards you, understand why."

Next up is the single person's sports car, which has been called Annoyed, with it's furrowed brow of lights atop slightly angled headlights. Then there is the family car is called Joy, and has big wide smiley eyes, but the side lights lend the eyes an element of tiredness that cannot be hidden.

"I really love the Annoyed," said Clarkson. "When you're speeding along and there's some old dear pootling in a Melancholy, she looks in the rear view mirror and sees Annoyed headlights right behind her. She's bound to get out of the way, which would make a change."

Elsewhere in the range is the SUV Sparks and Mensa call Surprised, with it's wide open headlight eyes and high beam side lights, whilst Richard Hammond's favourite is the convertible Puzzled, with angled sidelights above elongated headlights.

"The two seater car aimed at women is called Sexy, with alluring headlights," said James May. "It has come-to-garage-eyes. I wouldn't be surprised if could turn the wheels of the MPV Dependable with it's average looking headlight eyes."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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