Northern Irish Politician Resigns with a Vengeance

Funny story written by Auntie Matter

Wednesday, 10 June 2015

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Who Rules What?

One of Northern Ireland's leading spokesmen, Belfast SDLP Councillor Finbar Fury last night confessed all after his sacking as Director of the Northern Ireland Arts Council. '

In an interview with UR-FUKD magazine at the Europa Hotel in Belfast, Finbar, between drinks, opened up:

"Let me put it like this. Me and my Party buddies don't give a blind fuck for the electorate who put us into office. Same applies to the rest. Lying is so much part of our opus operandi we don't even exchange phone numbers. It's "business as usual" as far as we are concerned. Every party here takes care of their own. The sheeple simply get punished for giving us the opportunity by voting for us. We believe we are teaching them a lesson in gullibility and on this righteous ticket we sail on.

We work closely with Sinn Fein who have access to all the foreign money and with the Ulster Unionists who have access to even more funding from Westminster who are happy to have Sinn Fein in the driver's seat so long as they guarantee peace with the sheeple.

My party, the Social Democratic Labour Party, has no fucking funding worth shit. We are not an opposition party; In fact, we are no more a political party than the Boy Scouts. We are toady business partners of the other parties. "Hoors" in a word. And none of us, I repeat NONE of us, knows who runs the show. Is it Westminster, the White House, the international corporations, the global bankers, or little invisible Leprechauns running around the hills of Donegal?

Nobody knows fuck here! Is it a 'regime', a 'democracy', a 'military junta'? Nobody is telling us. My guess is that the New World Order boys are behind the whole fucking thing. I was director of the Arts Council and I can tell you the people running that asylum could not tell the difference between a Rembrant and a vomit stain in a car lot. Their only purpose in life it seems is to make sure nobody anywhere hears of or takes seriously The Bogside Artists of Derry who are the only real artists to have emerged in the province in over a century. For this noble purpose they take their wages every week from their paymasters. I have had enough!

The older I get the more convinced I am that there are lunatics in back rooms somewhere, maybe in the Vatican, who are playing God with all our lives. I resign. I am taking up fishing while I still have the mental capacity to fling a line into the river and faith enough to believe there may be fish there that are not permanently removed from me by some bureaucratic MI6 ploy I know nothing of."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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