Cat Bites Hamster's Head Off In Whiskas Orgy

Written by Auntie Jean

Friday, 10 October 2014

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Categorically denied seeing hamster that night

Peers Morgan, the ex 1960s D.J. famous for hosting "Ready Steady Rock" was yesterday said to be furious at television news helicopters which have been circling his council house for three weeks.

This morning police helicopters began an intensive search for "Freddy The Star", a dead hamster thought to have had his head bitten off on July 12th 1968 during a possible sex scandal. However sources close to Morgan are privately saying that his neighbour's cat was responsible after it was heard having sex with nine other cats of legal age in an all night noisy sex and Whiskas orgy.

Morgan, 89, whose trademark was driving a red E Type Jaguar around Scunthorpe after a sexy blonde jumped into it at the end of the pop music show each week, told our reporter that the police had his full permission to start the search this morning after he returned from posing for his annual geriatric pin-up calendar, but the news helicopters had been circling for three weeks after an obvious "tip off".

Now a bus inspector in Scunthorpe after being sacked in 1969 for being a twat, Morgan has published a ghost written book recounting his memoirs of swinging Scunthorpe. The book, "Rocking Rodents" is published by Richard Gear Publishing, ISBN no. 123456.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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