Purring Queen Raises More Questions Than Answers

Funny story written by D P Whitehead

Wednesday, 24 September 2014


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Purring? WTF?!

Reports that claim The Queen "purred" when David Cameron told her about Scotland's rejection of independence, have raised more questions than answers and have the British public demanding to know what sort of woman their Queen really is.

The prime minister, overheard by waiting camera crews while in conversation with ex-New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg, said he had "never heard someone so happy" at the result and that the Queen was "purring".

"What the fucking fuck fuck?", said one perturbed Londoner "I thought she was meant to be dignified - not Eartha Kitt, attempting to set a trap for Batman!"

One man from Portsmouth, Martin Shuttlecock said "I now have this awful image of the Queen dressed in a latex catsuit, thigh high boots, sat crossed legged with a whip in one hand, the phone in the other; Prince Philip at her knees, on all fours, with a dog collar around his neck, drinking from a saucer of milk. Kinky bastards. I don't know now if I can bring myself to watch this years Christmas Speech."

Neil Morris, from Leeds, said "I suggest we re-think the Civil List payments - instead of eating pheasant and grouse and other luxury foods, let her eat Kittycat or Whiskas - we will save a fortune."

It is not only the British public who have been thrown into confusion by Cameron's revelation. The French, due to host the Queen next week, have ordered several bags of cat litter and ordered catnip in case the Queen 'shits and pisses everywhere' or 'scratches the good furniture'.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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