There’s a new monster in town … and it’s adorable! Genetic experiments at Northwestern University (Go Wildcats!) have turned a cute and cuddly hamster into a blood-thirsty Antifa Commie bastard who is ready willing and able to devour other hamster…
HOLLYWOOD – (Satire News) – The much-anticipated remake of the nasty-as-sh*t film, "2 Girls 1 Cup" has finally hit the movie theaters. The Los Angeles Watchdog Witnesser newspaper is reporting that the Pipe Dreams Films production, which is produc…
A spokesman for the pro human pressure group "Kill All the Bastard Hamsters Brigade" (KABHB) has claimed that much like its brother rodent, the Chinese rat, the common hamster is responsible for the spread of a deadly epidemic that looks set to be...
Peers Morgan, the ex 1960s D.J. famous for hosting "Ready Steady Rock" was yesterday said to be furious at television news helicopters which have been circling his council house for three weeks. This morning police helicopters began an intensive...
OTTUMWA, IOWA - A rogue satellite, owned by an Australian multi-millionaire, Herschel McBee, crashed to earth early Tuesday evening in an Ottumwa neighborhood. According to local police, the satellite destroyed a home owned by resident, Lucille...
NORFOLK, Virginia - NASA was all set to launch a little astronaut hamster into space to study the effects of space travel on its digestive system but it has been put on hold. Mimosa Ledbetter, executive director with PETA, which stands for People...
Remember the Black Foot semi rotten Iberico ham served in Spanish Cafes on the Costas? Or perhaps the off-flavoured translucent cheese served with tooth shattering sweet bread rolls? The EU may shortly be insisting that Spain's food makers look outsi...
NORFOLK, Virginia - The largest animal rights group in the United States has vowed to stop several animal research clinics from mistreating hamsters. Mimosa Ledbetter the executive director has said that she sent undercover operatives who infiltra...
PROVIDENCE, Rhode Island - According to recent government studies, the state of Rhode Island has more hamsters than any other state in the entire United States. Professor Saxton B. Funderburken, head of the Agriculture Department at Chicken of the...
Hollywood, CA - Richard Gere, iconic star of mega blockbuster hits such as "Pretty Woman", "An Officer and a Gentleman" and a bunch of other crap that I think my mom probably still owns on VHS, finally found out about the decades-old urban legend tha...
After watching a YouTube video of a Swedish bunny herding his master's sheep, local Washington, DC bully, Bugger Maloney's hamster named Chippy was reported to have herded the members of Congress into the Capitol to do something more than run their m...
Skoob was dead right, things had changed, the Gerbils were now everywhere and they were even bigger than before. One blocking our path up the stairs looked to be 800 stone. One turned towards us and it glared...right through my soul. "They've got so many now, you can't move a milli-second without one having it's nose up your ass," said J.O., standing right behind me, "They re-engineered them, n...
Television presenter Richard Hammond is set to become the first man to set foot on Mars in an ambition project unveiled today. Hammond, presenter of BBC's Top Gear, Total Wipeout, Hamster on Food, Hamster on Toast and Hamster On The Job, will be...
Reinegold Prius who replaced Remington Steele as Republican National Committee Chairman today announced his own candidate for the republican nominee for President of the United States - Hamster Reagan. Expressing bewilderment and some fear over th...
Lawyers for the International Brotherhood of Hamsters announced yesterday that the entire population of pet Hamsters will go on a full activity strike, unless reports of Felching around the globe cease. Terry Beaverton, lawyer and translator for t...
A colony of hamsters has been discovered living in a tree within the Lakeside shopping centre near Grays Thurrock in Essex. A spokesman for the 200 acre site, boasting 250 retail outlets and parking for 13,000 cars explained that as an eco-friendl...
VANCOUVER, Canada - Justin Bieber performed before a sell out crowd in Vancouver's Snowdrifts of December Stadium. He told the crowd that he loves performing in his native Canada more than anywhere else except for Dubai, India; Honolulu, Hawaii; o...
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