London. The PM 'Dave' Cameron announced that the coalition plans using savings made from denying the poor and vulnerable their basic needs to dig up the bodies of deceased welfare cheats and display them in public until "their relatives do the decent thing" and pay to have them reinterred "on land that isn't likely to be required by my mates in the property indstry. Graveyards can then be reduced in size and eventually privatised and sold off."
Mr Cameron made the announcement to raucous cheers from drunk and sunburnt Tories at an orgy convened in a cricket pavilion in the heart of middle earth.
"We in the Tory party won't shirk making tough decisions on behalf of the over-privileged. It's clear that oiks who've been engaged in depraved scamming of the benefits system should not be then allowed to use death as an excuse to clog up areas of land which entrepreneurial chums of mine from Eton can hoover up and have rezoned. Their bodies should be left to fester and putrify in the open until their relatives are shamed into taking care of it and if the trade unions and the Labour Party think they can persuade the voter that this is criminal, why we'll just wheel out Boris Johnson to make the policy more cuddly- I bet you we'll win an overall majority! We're all in this together -Big Society!"
Political observers now believe that the only way to end the Tory grip on power is for an intrepid band of hobbits to undertake a dangerous quest in search of one ring.
