Jordan sues new baby girl for defamation of character and Ruining Her Lady Garden

Written by NerdInBriefs

Wednesday, 6 August 2014

image for Jordan sues new baby girl for defamation of character and Ruining Her Lady Garden

So soon after sharing the joyful pictures to the world of her new baby girl, it has emerged that mum of five, Katie Price aka Jordan has fallen out bitterly with her new baby girl. Reports have surfaced of a bizarre row at the hospital, when Jordan started hurling a tirade of expletives at the baby triggered by something the baby had allegedly whispered to the mum as she read a draft of her next novel.

Initial speculation, focused on the ever increasingly weird world of Jordan, and a sign of her attention seeking yet unpredictable behaviour. The media rushed to accuse the new mum of hitting a new low, corroborated by a witness at the hospital.

The nurse first on the scene during the argument who tried to calm Jordan, rang up in tears to a tabloid newspaper saying she had never seen a mum talk to a child like that before. "I had only left them alone for a few minutes, I was trying to get a signal on my phone so I could upload pictures of me with Katie to my Facebook account, when I heard the shouting match. Thank god I had the number of a news editor in my phone from the last story I sold."

The nurse saw Kieran her husband trying to restrain a furious Jordan as she repeatedly shouted at the baby to take back some insults that it had said earlier. At first the hospital sedated Katie, feeling she was suffering from post birth stress, exacerbated by her having to play the producer and director of a film crew whilst also in labour.

However the posh doctors were soon criticised for being hasty and classist, and thinking the worst of Jordan, as hospital cameras revealed the baby had indeed insulted her mum ... Accusing her of being mutton dressed up as lamb and not a good role model with her questionable morals.

Specialists in the medical world are trying to work out how the baby has managed to speak after only a few days.

Meanwhile Jordan has gone on tv and radio to get the public behind her, making her case that she is not a bad mum, challenging the British public to not buy into the cute baby photos they saw, 'what my girl did to her is unforgivable and no mother should have to suffer being called those things, especially after the sacrifices I made in the last nine months for her, and now my gash has been so messed up cause the babies head was so bleeding big.'

In the last few hours things have escalated with a legal counter claim launched by the baby, saying Jordan is unfit to breast feed her, that her mum has exploited her whilst she was in the womb, and therefore wants a profit share of any future earnings Jordan makes from talking about the birth.

Lawyers are lining up to act on behalf of the baby which so far is choosing to represent itself, in what is being described as the legal battle of the year. Surprisingly the public are so far are praising Jordan for her measured restraint, and sympathising with her being a mother under attack from an ungrateful baby.

Meanwhile the House of Commons, have agreed to come back from their summer recess to discuss the matter, though papers have criticised members for only wanting to be closer to the gossip and unfolding events.

The ever entrepreneurial Jordan is making available the footage from the hospital security cameras of the horrible things the baby said to her, downloadable through her website, with a discount voucher for her next book.

In an exclusive interview with a newspaper this weekend, sources say the baby will document the nightmare it feels it was subjected to having to hear her mums voice in the womb day in, day out with no escape, and the the shock of seeing a film crew the moment it popped out. Plus the baby will reveal exactly why it flipped as it was being cradled by her mum and what other things it would like to say to her if given a second chance.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more