Written by Joe Leff

Monday, 10 March 2014

The ceiling of St. Slippersarus Church in Gateshead is in need of repair after sandals ruined the décor.

Apparently, youngsters had been observed taking off their sandals and hurling them upwards to shouts of 'Hallelujah!'.

"It's a scandal," complained several members of the congregation. But Amy Feetert, who runs a local shoe shop, said "No, it isn't. It's these God-forsaken sandals. If the kids had proper footwear there'd be none of these problems."

The vicar, Rev. Mick Handel, was also annoyed when the sandals fell on to his candles just after he had lit them. "My next sermon will be themed 'Keep sandals off candles'", he said.

Some of the accused children pleaded that they had only thrown their sandals upwards to frighten off vandals they'd spotted on the roof.

One of the vandals is reported to have said that he's not going to do that church again. "It's too bloody dangerous with all those sandals being hurled about."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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