Daily Mail reader has heart attack arguing on a forum

Funny story written by IainB

Thursday, 13 February 2014


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Commentating on stories you know nothing about can be bad for your health.

Daily Mail reader, Carl White, had a heart attack last night while arguing his position on a forum when he came up against people with facts.

"Normally," said wife of fifteen years, Brenda White, "our Carl would stick to the comments section on the Daily Mail where his opinion would be supported by the other Daily Mail readers."

However, last night, Mr White spotted a link on Facebook to a story of a transgender woman locked up in a man's prison in Canada on visa issues.

"The poor girl probably shouldn't have been in prison," said Brenda. "And it was a bit of a mistake, but our Carl decided he'd post what he thought was an hilarious comment about putting willies with willies."

Immediately the other commentators on the story rounded on Carl White, in an attempt to educate him.

"Sadly, Carl hadn't even read the story," said Brenda White. "He rarely does, but he felt he had to justify his statement, and I could see him getting more and more wound up."

Mrs White had told her husband to calm down and switch the computer off, but he disregarded her comments, and continued to make ludicrous claims of fake transgender criminals getting arrested to be put into women's prisons so they could have sex.

"He wouldn't listen to reason," said Brenda. "Even I told him that this was a stupid idea, but he wouldn't listen."

As more and more commentators provided links to sites about transgender people in prison being among the highest victims of rape and assault, and asking him to provide contrary evidence, Mr White steadfastly refused to review the evidence, and kept re-iterating his position.

"I told him to stick to the Daily Mail website," said Brenda. "I told him to turn the computer off and go to bed, but he kept on bashing away at the keyboard until he broke the K key, and was even more frustrated because he couldn't spell the words he wanted, and had to try and come up with alternatives."

Despite the offer of cocoa, Mr White's ire increased to such a fever pitch that Brenda could see him changing colour.

"He went red, then purple," said Brenda. "I became very concerned about that. Then he clutched his chest and fell off the chair."

Paramedics were called, but were unable to resuscitate Carl.

"I feel quite bad now," said Charlie Hempworth, one of the other commentators. "Last night I thought he'd simply got the message and rather than admit he was in the wrong, he'd turned the computer off. I had no idea he'd died."

"One less bigot in the world," said another of the commentators on the story, Brenda White. Wife of Carl.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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