Mayor's Nazi jibe appeal claims red card is cruel/unusual

Funny story written by queen mudder

Wednesday, 4 October 2006

image for Mayor's Nazi jibe appeal claims red card is cruel/unusual
Livingstone: at red card appeal hearing today

London - (Associated Mess): Lawyers acting for the Mayor of London are appealing in the High Court today against a February ruling suspending Ken Livingstone from office after a Jewish press reporter had objected to being called a Nazi.

In a tersely worded statement , Counsel claimed that "our client Mr Livingstone is a very appealing politician and as such immune from prosecution by any self-appointed quasi-Quango-like political standards body that does not agree with him in the first place.

"And what's more, the application of the offside rule by the disciplinary tribunal is a cruel and unusual way of doing business and should not be taken seriously by anybody."

But the Court of Appeal has insisted on hearing both sides of the argument , including evidence that a four-week suspension is not only appropriate given previous match-fixing allegation rumors surrounding the Mayor, but also perfectly in keeping with Geneva Convention-agreed rules of engagement relating to conduct while in a public orifice.

Livingstone had earlier threatened to throw the 9/11 Amendment to the Inhuman Rights Act at the judiciary panel examining his appeal today, but had been cautioned against the move after behind the scenes legal moves for a potential plea-bargain that would reduce the send-off to a token two weeks, which he had already served in August this year during his family holiday break at the Pyongyang Astoria Hotel.

The official standards body which had imposed the four week send-off earlier this year has ruled that although the squiffy remarks made by the Mayor to a London newspaper reporter may have been made while Mr Livingstone was, indeed, pissed at the time - a fact that has never been denied by the appellant - the off-side rule still applied because no other politician in the UK has ever managed to get away with a similar interpretation of public relations etiquette when it came to the freedom of the press.

Livingstone has ploughed a reported six figure sum into defending himself up to today's Appeal Court hearing.

Aides at City Hole have also suggested that if he does not get his way in the High Court today, he might go all the way to the House Lords and - even- to the European Court of Inhuman Rights in his pursuit to insult press reporters with any manner of inappropriate language whenever he feels like it.

"Ken's just an rdinary working class sort of bloke who far from being anti-semitic, knows ow to recognise a fascist scumbag Nazi hack when he sees one and is not afraid to say so.

"He should be given a medal for this totally non-ideological stance he has taken in such a public spiritied way.

"More than a medal maybe.

"A statue of him in Trafalgar Square might be appropriate, replacing that crumbling old pidgeon-shit invested one-eyed imperialist bastard standing on top of the water-feature-obscuring column in the middle of the square.

"That's where he really belongs."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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