Terror probe cops eye the Con in Conran

Funny story written by queen mudder

Saturday, 30 September 2006

image for Terror probe cops eye the Con in Conran
Smoke signals: Terence Conran and Lewinsky-esque cigar

London - (Associated Mess): Officers of the Metropolitan Police's Anti-Terrorist Branch have issued a statement naming London greasy-spoon cafe proprietor and serial self-publicist Terence Conran as their John Major number one head of UK organised crime cartels in the post-Thatcher period of the 1990s that smoothed the easy passage of the Bush Administration into 10 Downing Street in the form of New Labour Prime Monster Tony Blair.

Many months of covert financial paper trail surveillance has linked Conran to members of George Bush Senior's extended gangster family in Europe and unsolved outbreaks of terrorism in the City of London.

And recent intelligence gathering in the post-7/7 investigations has revealed an ageing Hellfire Club operator linked to the bankrolling of US Bonesmen who suborned Justice Department officials into removing damning criminal record files connected to the Bush family and its supporters.

Conran, 75, has recently been reported as cashing in his chips and raking in a reputed £30 million following the sale of a part of the catering empire that he fraudulently took over in the late 1990s in a landmark embezzlement deal overseen by bent MI5 honcho Stella Rimington which ensured the sleaze-ridden cabinet of PM John Major was gagged from testifying against him.

But the suave and over-confident cigar-whiffing con-artist had not reckoned on being grassed up by disgruntled former organised crime cartel chiefs in the Latin American sector of the London restaurant trade who felt hard done by his take-over of traditionally-held turf patches allocated to their sole ownership by the Major Administration's Downing Street Agreement with the Real IRA.

Thus a trap was set in a series of plea-bargain agreements brokered by the Met's anti-corruption unit, now operating as the Serious and Organised Crime Agency (SOCA) which is investigating the on-going bungs-for-peerages scam.

And while official details of the operation remain sketchy, the smoke signals emanating from his Butlers Wharf empire head-quarters appear on the distinctly murky side as Customs & Revenue officers rub their hands with glee at the prospect of joint operations with SOCA along the Thames-side mudflat wharehouses and whorehouses that have been the target of lengthy surveillance for the last six years.

The oleaginous operator was unavailable for comment today and his cohorts are, as ever, mysteriously tight-lipped onany cooking of the books of the eponymous con-run catering empire.

However, last night's sighting of the Hellfire Club grandee deep in huddled conversation with former Blair policy wonks at a secret location within the City of London's Golden Triangle has painted a very worrying picture when seen in the light of the Labour Party's annual Convention in Manchester this week.

A tell-tale tremor in his voice and a near-bursting pulsating blood-vessel above the left temporal lobe may have sent the signal that the UK cops have been waiting for.....that moves are afoot to spring yet another coup attempt within the Labour cabinet of Tony Blair, replacing him with a Hellfire Club-nominated cabal of under-30 year old bon vivants whose postively-vetted background have never yet been traced to police computer archives in the UK.

Further news is expected in the weekend.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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