Labour sperm donor cops quiz Blair's gatekeeper

Funny story written by queen mudder

Friday, 29 September 2006

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No 10 Gatekeeper Ruth Turner

London - (AssoCIAted Mess): The bungs-for peerages corrpution probe that saw the arrest last week of serial political sperm donor Sir Christopher Evans of Merlin Bioscams has quizzed the Prime Monster's offical gatekeeper Ruth Turner.

The government's official website states that Turner is in charge of government relations at No 10 Downing Street. So anybody wanting to solicit the Prime Minister, his wife or entourage has to first cross her portal and - maybe - her palm with silver.

At least that is how officers of the Metropolitan Police's Anti-Corruption Unit have interpreted her role when she was questioned under caution last week about what she knew regarding the elevation to the House of Lords of talentless Blairite cronies such as Lord Narcissus - now an Education Minister, Lord Levy (official Prime Monsterial blind trust portfolio bagman and chief WMD theory fantasist) and Baroness Amos (Labour Leader in the Lords and sometime wannabee UN Director General).

Turner's remit includes arranging Blair visits for members of organised crime cartels in the pay of the Bush Administration who wish to volunteer their services as political statesmen by serving as unelected life peers in the House of Lords.

She also vets the invitation lists for charitable events attended by the Prime Monster and his wife and makes appropriate suggestions wherever relevant.

Her stellar political background includes a failed attempt at being elected as a Labour member of the European Parliament in 1999, a qualification which appears to have been the pivotal career break which ensured her Downing Street sinecure that pays a whopping £120,000 per annum.

Today's revelations have brought the Blairs out in a heavy sweat rash following a tense week at the Labour Party Conference where even the pubolic support of the Come-Back Kid himself, Bill Clinton, did little to wipe the smell of George W Bush corruption off the hapless couple's troubles.

These have intensified following press reports that chief bungs-for-peerages suspect Lord Levy has been under sustained surveillance by Interpol, the CIA, MI5 and Russian spooks for the last ten years following a lengthy series of UK-sources embezzlement and extortion scams which saw his covert offshore bank accounts swell out of all proportion to either his business talent, commercial contacts or ability to earn an honest living.

Today Ruth Turner is keeping out of the limelight and is refusing to answer reporters' questions about her personal agenda in ensuring the correct pecking order of Bush Administration-controlled felons gained access to the Prime Monster and the gaping Labour Party coffers that paved the way for new 'working peers' to be appointed to the Lords.

But the Labour Party's published accounts have recently revealed that it is some £27 million in the red and that embarassed bungs-for-peerages supporters are now calling in their putative loans in the wake of the scandal.

All that appears to remain now is that inevitable 6am knock on the No 10 Downing Street front door by the Serious and Organised Crime Squad asking to have a few words in private with Mr Blair....

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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