Written by queen mudder

Tuesday, 12 September 2006

image for Cannabis downgrade 'was essential for Iraq war bankrolling' by student tuition fees
Blair's UK Hearts & Minds bankrolled by pipedream

London - (Associated Mess): Official: the war for Hearts 'N' Minds began in the UK with the downgrade of the cannabis legal classification which Tony Blair saw as essential for bankrolling Iraqi war costs through the 2003 imposition of student tuition fees of around £10,000 per undergraduate.

According to newly leaked classified documents from the government's official stink-tank, this strategy was the vital lynchpin that propelled the Bush Administration at No 10 Downing Street to proceed with the wholesale mass murder of an estimated 250,000 Iraqi civilians and the further permanent maiming of another quarter million of their compatriots classified as unavoidable collateral damage.

The revelation comes as millions of disgusted UK students prepare to throng the streets of central London this weekend in protest against the leak that shows the war strategy for home-grown hearts and minds - and wallets - began with the Prime Monster's imposition of massive personal debt on on some two million students in England and Wales.

And the sweetener that made this possible was David Blunkett's downgrading of the cannabis legal clasification from 'B' to 'C' which guaranteed virtual immunity from prosecution for possession of a decently smokeable amount.

This became the Labour Party's trump card strategy which guaranteed young undergraduates would be so hazily content from skinning up in the UK without fear of getting busted that the prospect of racking up huge personal university debts would seem like an ok pipe dream and totally unconnected with the hostilities of the Iraq invasion.

The news of the leak has caused a furore of apathy among drug barons and their organised crime cartel syndicates which moved the headquarters of their narcotics smuggling empires to convnient offshore tax havens in the Prime Monster's Parliamentary constituency of Trimdon Colliery when the news of the cannabis downgrade was first announced.

Downing Street has remained tight-lipped about these revelations despite the news of the massive police presence that is planned ahead of the weekend's protests which will take in a circular route round... and.... round...and.... round the Royal Parks in central London via a thousand Rizla-selling pizza, ice cream and chocolate retail outlets in central London.

A spokesman from the Meterological office has issued an official warning to West London residents and their pets specifying that an expected easterly wind that day may necessitate householders' closing of doors and windows to prevent an outbreak of wholesale passive smoking in the neighborhoods immediately surrounding the proposed protest march.

Meanwhile keepers at London Zoo said it would prove virtually impossible to keep some of their really big cats confined for the occasion because their ability to detect the merest whiff of a spliff was as legendary as their determination to secure a ringside seat for any smoke-carrying easterlies bearing exotic trails of combustible delights.

And that included the elephants, rhinos, monkeys and giraffes, which always warmed to their human visitors on sunny spliffy days in Regent's Park.

The protest kicks off at 12 noon on Saturday.....

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Tony Blair, Iraq

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