Written by Seriously

Wednesday, 6 September 2006

image for Tony Blair Resigns to Join Cameron's Conservatives
The Which Blair? Project

In a move that has completely stunned the nation, UK Prime Minister Tony Blair has resigned and walked across the floor of the House of Commons to join the Conservative Party.

The pressure of media speculation over his tenure as Prime Minister, underlined by mass-resignations of junior MPs over his refusal to say when he'd step down, seems to have proved too much for the ageing very-right-of-left-leftie. David Cameron, leader of the opposition, welcomed Mr Blair with open arms and is said to be overjoyed. He immediately pronounced Mr Blair his new shadow Chancellor and called for a Vote of No Confidence in the Government in what many see as a preamble for calling for a General Election early 2007.

In the meantime, John "two shags" Prescott who has been enthroned as temporary Prime Minister, had few kind words to say about about Mr Blair's shock manoeuvre.

"What the bloody hell does he think he's doing? I'll give him a bunch of fives for joining that bunch of smarmy toss-pots. The Country's in a right mess. I mean, we've got problems such as Iraq, a crumbling NHS, falling education standards, increasingly tense race relations, a limited industrial and manufacturing base, mass drugs and alcohol abuse, rising obesity, appalling crime figures, too much countryside and immigration spiralling out of control….what a stupid time to desert a sinking ship! Mind you, he was Captain whilst these problems unfolded so perhaps we'll be better off without him. Good riddance in fact! Now, be a good chap and pass me my Croquet bat.", Prescott told The Spoof.

Meanwhile, Gordon "chewing gum" Brown, long-time PM-Wannabee, is rumoured to be fuming that Blair didn't hand over power to him before changing sides. Clearly seething and running his fingers through his hair in a manic fashion, Brown said:

"I'm really, really, really pissed-off with TB. He promised this job to me the last time I had him in a headlock. I can't believe he's such a turn coat. It's like Little Red Riding Hood having an identity crisis and becoming Little Boy Blue!

I thought things could only get better for me but now I'm screwed. Not that I'd have a clue about how to run the country but the salary and perks would've been nice. Now I'll have to box with that git Prescott for the title. Shadow Chancellor? Well, he can count on me giving him a good drubbing that's for sure! Actually, bugger the budget, I've got some electioneering to do!"

Following the shock news, rumours of a constitutional paradox circulated around Westminster fuelling fears that Blair could once more be Prime Minister if Tory MPs realise there's no real difference between him and Cameron other than at least Blair has experience in the top job.

"They're calling it the Which Blair? Project around here! David's delight in Blair's betrayal may have been a bit premature. Tony's a political careerist and would do anything to keep him and Cherie in Number 10. Tory Tony has a nice ring to it don't you agree?", joked Dianne Abbot MP who refused to quash rumours that she had been constructing secret plans to be the Labour Party's first black and female leader. "Then again, after Tony's defection anything's possible!" concluded the Hackney debutante.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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