Written by queen mudder

Monday, 5 June 2006

image for Euro-Septic Tories apoplectic as giant poppy blooms in Victoria
Bloomin' Victoria

Victoria Station, London SW1 - (Associated Mess): A mass breakout of hysteria has erupted at the Conservative Party's Euro-Septic stink-tank in London this morning following news that yet another apocalyptic omen had manifested in central London ahead of tomorrow's dire 6/6/6 Day-of-the Beast date:

A giant 20ft poppy bloom appeared unexpectedly overnight in a window-box at London's Victoria Station, fulfilling an ancient Hellfire Club prophecy of imminent blood-letting in the Ostoeporosis Division of their closely-affiliated US sister-organization, the Ancient American Order of the Skull 'N' Bones.

Today Tory Hellfire Club Armageddon-advisers immediately went into closed conclave after persistent rumours confirmed that this was yet another demonic sign of impending doom following hot on the heels of Sautrday's baleful omen when 2/1 Epsom Derby hopeful Horatio Nelson had to be put down after a fatal collission with 14/1 shot Papal Bull at Tattenham Corner.

"This poppy is a sure sign that opium-touting Taleban Warlords are out to get the Tories in a revenge attack for decades of terrorism blame-game humbug and mud-slinging", said a spokesman.

"That old Osama fantasy is dead meat now and the knives are out for Camilla and Charles Windsor".

The 20ft bloom has caused havoc with London rush-hour commuters, some of whom called the emergency services after rumours spread that a possible opium burst from the poppy's core might be related to a much-publicised potential chemical terror attack that Anti-Terrorism police had been investigating over the weekend.

Meanwhile, experts from the Royal Horticulutral Society at Kew Gardens are examining the giant inflorescence and have begun testing it for contamination with genetically-modified growth accelerants which have gone missing from the Ministry of Defence's Porton Down chemical experimentation unit. The hormone-like compounds are said to be a production side-line from energy giant British Nuclear Fools - BNF - which supplies the UK's arms industry on a regular basis.

By purest coincidence, just around the corner from the central London railway station where the poppy has appeared, a desperate and ashen-faced Margaret Thatcher was at home, esconced with a battallion of legal advisers from jailed Washington lobbyist Jack Abramoff.

They are studying weekend reports in the UK press that recent DNA testing at the UK's National Poisons Unit has confirmed the Tory Party's worst-kept secret....that the universal candidate for the Armageddon role of the Great Whore of Babylon, a.k.a. Cherry Bush QC, is in fact her own daughter Dorothy, sired by that great Mossad recruiter of Taleban talent - the great Robert Maxwell RIP.

Shares in barbed wire futures are soaring on the London Stock Exchage......

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: London, Conservative

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