Ipswich Man Wins Right to Eat Cat

Written by HaveIGotNewsForYou

Wednesday, 25 July 2012

image for Ipswich Man Wins Right to Eat Cat
I am NOT your lunch!

An East Anglian man has been given the all clear by the High Court in London to eat his pet cat paving the way for more Britons to cook, fry, boil and roast their pets.

The landmark decision is seen as triumph for civil liberties claim many watchers.

Gordon Stiletto has spent three years battling red tape, legal challenges and animal rights groups in his quest to exercise his right as a member of the human race to eat anything the hell he likes.

"The last three years has been an emotional journey, it has been a long road and I am glad it is all over and I can just get on with my life in the knowledge that I can sauté Tiddles any time I like."

Lord Justice Cobb who ruled on the decision late yesterday afternoon admitted it was a tough decision to make and he spent many hours agonising over his decision before finally deliberating in favour of man.

In a brief statement, released by the Home Office, he said: "I based my decision on common sense. If a man can walk along his local High Street, walk into a pet shop and purchase himself a rabbit as a gift for his children, then walk into a butchers shop and then buy a skinned rabbit, which he will then stew and eat with roast potatoes and carrots that evening then it is, in my opinion, perfectly reasonable for a man to eat any animal that is available from any source, be it a shop, an animal shelter or zoo."

As yet Tiddles has not been eaten.

After three years Stiletto claims he has become attached to the animal but her recent litter of kittens, born three weeks ago, are set to be minced later this week.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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