London 2012:- Insider leaks suggest that the mysterious 40 foot high figure in Stratford's Olympic Stadium, recently photographed from the air, and heavily disguised by a tarpaulin, is in fact, none other than the fictional wizard, Harry Potter.
The figure was snapped as rehearsals were under way featuring a sort of EastEnders type map, where the mystery figure could be seen alongside a big chimneystack, some sort of cog, and a giant hospital bed, among others.
Harry Potter has been the UK's most popular export in recent years, and he is thought to have been included in the opening ceremony owing to his massive global popularity, although quidditch will definitely not be included as an olympic event because in real life, people can't fly around on broomsticks.
Most people, anyway.
"I think incorporating Harry Potter into the Olympics opening ceremony is a wonderful idea," said a mystery blonde woman wearing Jimmy Choo shoes, a Stella McCartney dress, and a big yellow hardhat. "Harry has become a cultural icon, and is as much of an enduring symbol of Great Britain as St Pauls, Tower Bridge, Edinburgh Castle, The Queen and the Bull Ring in Birmingham. And I should know."
It is yet to be confirmed whether the mystery figure is Harry Potter or not, but if the England football team's recent performances have been any indication, the Olympic team will probably need a bit of 'magical' help.
Or possibly a miracle.
More as we get it.