Anti-aircraft missiles to be deployed from Thames cable cars during Olympics

Funny story written by queen mudder

Tuesday, 3 July 2012

image for Anti-aircraft missiles to be deployed from Thames cable cars during Olympics
Providing back-up: anti-aircraft guns on roof of Lexington Building in Tower Hamlets

London - Hundreds of rapier and high velocity anti-aircraft missiles are to be deployed from cable cars above the Thames.

The recently opened £60 million river crossing links the O2 Arena in Greenwich and the ExCel exhibition centre at East London's Royal Docks.

Installation of 360-degree swivel batteries capable of housing the rockets starts this week in tandem with civilian travel enabling equipment 'such as Oyster Card readers'.

"We got the idea from a new James Bond 007 script," UK Defence secretary Philip Hammond admitted this morning during an announcement of the innovative scheme.

Fully automated remote controlled guidance systems would ensure any 9/11-style airborne attack on the Capital 'would be pulverised within seconds'.

"They won't like it up 'em, hehe!" Hammond added emphatically.

The Thames weapons system joins a number of high profile buildings around the Olympic site which will house rooftop ground-based air defence systems.

These include high-velocity missiles at strategic London sites such as the Lexington Building, Fairfield Road, Bow, Tower Hamlets.

The tower block was chosen following the successful removal of a residents' ad hoc herb container garden featuring mostly basil, parsley and rocket and matching water feature.

The Fred Wigg Tower, Montague Road Estate, Waltham Forest is also in the frame for hosting attack rockets despite residents' fears that 'once they're up there for the Games they'll never come down again'.

A dry run of some of the weapons systems is scheduled to take place early next week.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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