Julian Assange's Biggest Leak: Wets Himself and flees to Ecuadorian Embassy In Panic Pleading for Asylum!

Funny story written by Aphrodite

Wednesday, 20 June 2012


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Julian cites his "Human Rights" as he slithers off to a new life in Ecuador

The Australian cyber slut accused of leaking hundred's of thousands of confidential emails and sensitive government documents resulting in the untold misfortune and possibly death for hundreds of confidential government informants, and the embarrassment of international government officials, claimed his 'Human Rights' under the UN charter of endangered species, particularly those of a reptilian nature.

Claiming he was a Prisoner of Her Majesty (POM), the diffident womanizing rogue from Australia wanted in Sweden for the deflowering, seduction, and misuse of the countries greatest export, blonde, blue eyed Nordic women, finally realized his days in England were numbered. Probably realized those Nordic types he fancies aren't into damp, dreary weather.

Living in the lap of luxury in a magnificent country pile where liberal journalists, documentary film makers, and others of their ill advised ilk financed his lifestyle to the tune of £2M whilst also floating his £200,000 bond, the reincarnation of Oscar Wilde resisted all attempts against his extradition to Sweden, request for child support and paternity tests.

Ecuadorian President Rafael Correa in a recent interview on Assange's TV show,
"Julian Assange All Night / Every Night" offered the cyber troll asylum in his country. No doubt he assumed those millions of pounds/dollars of liberal support would quickly follow, finding a way into his deep pockets and salving his questionable conscience.

Correa, who is no friend to the UK or the US, is aligned slightly to the left of Hugo Chavez, Argentinean President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner and Cuban Ambassador to Haiti, Sean Penn. No small feat, that!

Assange's alleged sex abuse victims in Sweden claim he was "smarmy, clammy, and very reptilian' in the depositions leading up to his arrest warrants before he fled to London. Pity you haven't solved those premature ejaculation problems, mate. They might have remembered you a tad more fondly.

Elin Woods, who is said to be an expert in herpetology after fleeing to Sweden from her ill fated but hugely lucrative marriage to that other sleazoid head lizard Tiger Woods, chimed in from her farm house on the island of Faglano: "I hope he does get asylum in Ecuador. A little shack on the Galapagos co-existing with the Marchena Lava Lizard should be quite an adventure. I heard he'll shag a snake if he can get it to lie still long enough!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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