Scotland Yard and Interpol Hired to Help SERN Find the Higgs Boson. Arrest warrant issued. ID check now required of all particles at borders. Pushing the envelope with "Outsource Limit Test"?

Written by Oleg the Tumor

Friday, 15 June 2012

Hey!

The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Scotland Yard and Interpol Hired to Help SERN Find the Higgs Boson. Arrest warrant issued. ID check now required of all particles at borders. Pushing the envelope with "Outsource Limit Test"?
Attention: Particles! Please form a queue… Stay to the left, please.

Interpol Headquarters, Lyon -SERN officials have announced a "joint partnership," Involving Scotland Yard and the International Criminal Police Organization as the largest particle hunt in history goes into full gear to capture the elusive Higgs Boson.

As the huge facility straddles two countries, officials contend, it only makes sense to have two checkpoints to ensure that there is no funny business going on. Units from both agencies will be stationed at both borders. Who is checking who is not clear.

Critics aren't so sure this will work. An unnamed source at Scotland Yard said, "Bloody 'ell! Wuzzat ga' a do w' it?"

And many others seem to share the common sentiment shared by most cost-conscious Londoners:

"Nat 'nough crap ta kick tru a 'r own do'e? We ga' a fix 'airs, too? 'sall crap y'noo? Are they payin' O'r we? A right kick to the tits is wha' a tis! "

At the rubber chicken dinner used as an excuse for a press conference, the message was plain and a bit too frank actually:

"Our first choice was the French Foreign Legion, since none of them were hanged at Nuremberg, but we found out they were padding their costs and as such, we were required to decline use of their services, " the SERN official and Harley Street chiropractor said under conditions closely resembling anonymity.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more