Alan Partidge Withdraws From 2016 London Mayoral Contest

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Wednesday, 30 May 2012


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A rat's eye view of London. Did you know you're never more than 10 feet away from one when in the capital?

Toe-curlingly awkward chat show host, Alan Partridge, has shocked the political world by announcing his withdrawal from the next London Mayoral contest in 2016.

The "foot in the mouth" presenter's decision comes after the BBC last night announced that he has had a second series of his less than well received talk-show Knowing Me Knowing You commissioned, in a shock move that will see the Norwich funnyman golden-handcuffed to Auntie as part of a lucrative five figure three year deal.

A cockahoop Partridge (real name Steve Grogan) told The Stage, "A-Ha! I'm delighted about this because to tell the truth I thought that I'd blown it. So obviously I have ruled myself out of the next Mayoral race. I need to concentrate on my show and make it the best that it can possibly be."

When probed further on the matter Partridge added, "Well it was a no-brainer I guess. I noticed that last year Donald Trump had declared himself out of the race for The Whitehouse after having The Apprentice recommissioned, so that was good enough for me."

Flaxen-haired oaf and current incumbent, Boris Johnson, who was said to be worried that Partridge had thrown his hat into the ring, and who was recently spotted in HMV in Oxford St buying up the entire back catalogue of the Swedish mega-band ABBA, is said to be "mightily relieved" at the news.

Speaking yesterday evening on Newsnight the PM's erstwhile pal, and former fellow member of the hoity-toity rich boys piss artists' Bullingdon Club, told Jeremy Paxman, "Well I thought that a rudimentary knowledge of ABBA might have come in handy, say for example things had become down and dirty in TV debates and so on and so forth. Certainly I loved it when they won Eurovision with Save all Your Kisses For Me. Quite splendid!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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