Tourette Man to be Voice of London's Tube during Olympics

Funny story written by pinxit

Friday, 6 April 2012

image for Tourette Man to be Voice of London's Tube during Olympics
"Mind The P's and Q's"

London Underground have chosen a Tourette's syndrome sufferer to voice all their station and train announcements throughout the two weeks of this year's Summer Olympics.

In conjunction with the London Organising Committee of the Olympic Games (LOCO) and as part of the much publicised Olympic Legacy and Equal Opportunities programme, Alex Peters, 27, a life-long Tourette's syndrome victim, has been given the honour to warn the capital's anticipated 12 million foreign visitors to 'Mind the gap'.

"I'm chuffed to bits," says Mr Peters, an IT consultant, "They've taken this chance with me and I'll not let them down." His voice will be heard on all London Underground lines and the Docklands Light Railway during Olympics fortnight.

Alex temporarily replaces the familiar soft-spoken 'Voice of the Underground', actress Emma Clarke. The announcements will be recorded in London and the voice files then processed in Denmark before being loaded on the Tube trains.

It is understood that Alex beat off strong celebrity competition for the honour, with applications being heard by the committee from Frankie Boyle, Russell Brand and Gordon Ramsay.

The appointment follows hot on the heels of yesterday's controversial announcement from LOCO on the official starter for the Olympic Blue Riband event, the mens' 100 metres final, who has advanced Parkinson's Disease.

"Don't worry," assured Olympics CEO Seb Coe, "She'll get plenty of practice with the starting pistol."

However, not everyone was thrilled by the news. When it was broken to London Mayor Boris Johnson he launched into a tirade, caught on film, that stunned council workers and onlookers. One described it as "worse than the wobbler he let rip at Ken Livingstone the other day".

"They've done what? Why the ****ing hell have they let this raving ****ing looney c*** loose on the Tube? Its ****ing PC gone ****ing mad!", he's heard to shout.

"We'll be a ****ing laughing stock! What about the ****ing dignity of ****ing London? F*** 'em!"

Boris Johnson is 47.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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