Scandal As Kids Smoke 40 Tabs A Day, and more.

Written by Sidney Bollocks

Saturday, 24 March 2012

image for Scandal As Kids Smoke 40 Tabs A Day, and more.

Reports that an eight year old Indonesian boy has quit school, because it interferes with his ability to smoke 40 cigarettes a day, have caused global disgust and outrage, or at the very least upset a few Daily Mail readers.

The boy's mother funds his habit by allowing him 5,000 rupiah (30p) a day to buy his smokes. If she refuses, his tantrums and aggression soon persuade her otherwise.

Child health experts and the anti-smoking lobby in the UK are outraged that Indonesia continues to have such lax tobacco laws and allows such a situation to exist.

However, Dr Orville Belch, who is a GP in Hackney in North London, sees it somewhat differently. Dr Belch told us "I have several problem youngsters on my patient list, all of whom make this Indonesian lad look like a positive fucking lightweight. An example is, for the purposes of confidentiality I shall refer to him as, Child A. Now, six year old Child A's parents are convinced he has ADHD. He smokes 60 cigarettes a day, drinks six cans of White Lightning cider, commits two or three robberies a day and has fathered 12 children. He also has learning difficulties and does not understand the meaning of the word 'no'. Whilst, his ADHD diagnosis is far from conclusive, I am considering prescribing him 60 B&H a day, as it will be cheaper than Ritalin in the long run".

Child A's parents were invited to comment on their son's behaviour. Their response cannot even be printed here.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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