Written by Ellis Ian Fields

Thursday, 19 January 2012

image for School For Big Nobs Tells Ramblers Where To Shove It
An everyday scene at Stowe.

A top public school has upset its neighbours with plans to swap its nine-hole golf course for nearby land owned by the National Trust.

But the choice of the new site for the Stowe School's course has angered nearby walkers and ramblers, who argue they will be put in danger of "flying golfballs."

According to plans, relocating the golf course will allow the National Trust to restore Stowe Landscape Park's Western Gardens. The course would be moved to The Lamport and Stowe Castle Fields.

A spokesman for the National Trust said the plans were "sympathetic to the landscape".

"I'll tell you what it is... it's a bleeding disgrace is what it is," said local 'rambler' Sid Neck from his 'drum' adjacent to the gardens.

"These bleedin' nobs think they can do just what they bleedin' likes. And whoever heard of a bloody school with a bloody golf course anyway?

"And that effin National Trust - they're all posh gits an' all. They're all in bed together. I tell you what, mate, come the revolution we'll see about schools with bleedin' golf courses!"

A spokesman for the school told our reporter: "Who on Earth are you, you howwid little oik? The Pwess? Be awf with you befaw I welease the hounds - we'll put our bally golf course where we bally well want."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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