Shocking Survey Result - Most People Use The Internet To Access Porn

Funny story written by Skoob1999

Wednesday, 9 November 2011

Hey!

The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Shocking Survey Result - Most People Use The Internet To Access Porn
Shuttlecock Sweeping The Steps On The Scoreboard End At Old Trafford

As shocking as it may be, exhaustive survey results have revealed that the vast majority of internet users only use the facility to access internet pornography. It appears that in this enlightened day and age, the casual observer would rather watch somebody else having it off than actually take the time and trouble to do it themselves.

"It's just too much hassle," one subscriber said. "I can't be arsed with all this getting down and dirty with a woman. What's the point? You can just do it virtually - and it doesn't involve sweating, nagging, or pies. These days I just watch other people doing it and it saves on all the hassle afterwards. Including bagging and labelling the swarf."

Feminists reacted angrily to the claims by sexist males with claims that most males are insecure about - and obsessed by - their penile dimensions.

"They all go mad about that," one said. "But the truth is that it's only the bottom inch that counts - because that's how a lady gets her fancy tickled. It's all about clitoral stimulation. But most blokes are utterly clueless and wouldn't recognise a clitoris if it jumped off a bus and headbutted them in the face."

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, told reporters that sex isn't really such a big deal, providing it's done correctly. His long suffering wife, Anne, differed somewhat with the populist view, saying that Shuttlecock may well have a big dick, but it'll never provide him with an income, because he has no idea how to use it.

Long suffering wife, Anne said:

"Ignore the barmy bastard. He's taking the piss again."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more