Isle of Wight News - Heather's Nails are Simply Stunning

Funny story written by IainB

Sunday, 20 November 2011

image for Isle of Wight News - Heather's Nails are Simply Stunning
The Jolly Sailor Darts Team won Britains Best Pub Darts Team

Heather Fields, 24, of Shanklin has put the Isle of Wight on the map thanks to her nails!

In the National Nail Championships held at Birmingham's NEC Arena, Heather competed among the country's finest nail growers.

"It's such an honour," said Heather, proudly showing her hand shaped glass trophy (pictured). "To have my nails recognised as the best in the country is a dream come true for me."

Heather has been growing her own nails since she was born and claims she has good genes.

"My mum has beautiful nails," said Heather. "Not as good as mine, obviously, because she never won the National Nail Championships."

Heather puts her beautiful nails down to regular grooming, a good diet, sunshine and never doing a days work in her life.

"I go and get my nails done once a week," she said. "On a Tuesday at Shanklin Hands. On a Wednesday, I got my toes pedicured at Hobb's Nails in Boots. I like to spread my patronage around."

Heather is married to Chester Fields, 86, owner of the furniture chain on the island.

"I'm very proud of my wife," said Chester. "I didn't marry her because of her beautiful nails, but it is one of the attributes that attracted me to her."

Heather saw off stiff competition from over three hundred hopefuls from as far afield as Whitehaven.

"I don't know where Whitehaven is," said Heather, "I didn't do history in school. But Kirsty was from there, and she had absolutely gorgeous nails, but she'd got a slight smudge on her left thumb French polishing and I hadn't."

Heather is looking to enter the competition again next year, but thinks she may be past her prime.

"I'll give it a go next year," she said. "But I'll be in my mid-twenties by then, and the best years for nails are your early twenties, everybody knows this. Especially the judges. I may go for the European Nail Championship in February first, and then World Nail Championship in May, although I will be nearly twenty-five by that point. But it is in Japan, and I've always wanted to visit the capital, what's it called? Oh yes, Yoko Ono."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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