Designers reveal 'accurate diagnosis' NHS plan to stymie patient anger

Written by Deafo

Wednesday, 16 November 2011

Designers have developed a shocking new way of stymieing the torrent of abuse directed at casualty staff by desperate patients which involves a revolutionary new plan for NHS staff to accurately diagnose all those arriving at hospital seeking urgent treatment.

The year-long project explored how the NHS can provide cheap solutions to ease patient's frustration, employing psychologists to help designers identify six profiles explaining why patients might become violent at a wholehearted lack of concern for their ailments.

Designer, Peter Part, found there was a definitive link across all profiles which suggested a key contributing factor to an increase in anger displayed by patients was the extensive wait prior to being told there was absolutely nothing wrong with them.

He told us, 'Every single casualty patient we questioned said they felt some form of anger during their emergency visit to hospital.'

'The most common complaint was the five-hours spent waiting to see a triage nurse who would eventually examine you only to advise that you were probably a hypochondriac with mental health issues.'

'Being told such a thing as one half of your face is hanging off your skull because you have just suffered a stroke whilst waiting to be seen can be somewhat trying.'

Mr Part emphasised the onus was on the NHS to manage the stress levels of patients to ensure their staff were treated with more respect.

'We wouldn't rule out pumping laughing gas into the casualty waiting room.'

'It could certainly and some comic effect to the truly laughable service offered.'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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