London - Is 'one' suffering from terminal inflammatory vowel disease?
That's today's top news poser and for once Oliver Letwin is not in the frame with the discovery of Queen Elizabeth's medical notes discarded in a St James's Park pooper-scooper dog mess bin.
Early morning jogger Toby Crump came across the papers which he says were overstamped with an NHS 'Do Not Resuscitate' order.
Details of the file contents are still a bit sketchy but Crump hinted to reporters at lunchtime today that a diagnosis of 'bad blood', 'heartlessness' and 'inoperable legions' - er...lesions! - may figure in the health dossier.
"Is this a 'message' for the public to prepare for the worst?" Crump commented.
"Gawd knows. But the X-ray pics did show something lodged deep inside HM's alimentary tract - maybe a conger eel skeleton, I dunno - and half a dozen little plastic 'wraps', the sort Customs officers are always finding inside passengers returning from er, Colombia."
The file has now been handed in to a Hyde Park police station where officers are studying the contents following a tip-off from Interpol.
