Usain Bolt false start overturned

Funny story written by IainB

Sunday, 28 August 2011

image for Usain Bolt false start overturned
The camera is too far away

Under the new rules governing the one hundred metres sprint has left the world's fastest man demanding a recount.

Usain Bolt fell victim to the one false start rule which meant after just one supposed false start by Bolt, he was disqualified, losing his metre title in the process. But slow motion video replay shows that Bolt was merely faster than sound, and there was no false start.

"The camera that checks the racers is on the opposite side of the track from the starter pistol," said Bolt's brother and manager, Unn Bolt. "Anybody who sets off before the gun registers on the camera's microphone triggers a false start."

Calculations have been carried out by the Jamaican Institute of Mathematics that shows that Bolt set off at exactly the same time as the gun went off, but was so fast he triggered the camera before the sound reached it.

"It takes nearly a fifth of a second for the sound to travel from the gun to the camera," said Subten Seckon from JIM. "In that length of time, Usain can be halfway to the shops."

Officials at the Korean World Athletics have paid close attention to the work of the Institute as they have been desperate for a reason to reinstate Bolt.

"We will hold the final again," said Payed Incash, who is organising the event. "It is only fair. I am convinced by the maths. We will also move the camera to next to the gun, I'm not sure even Bolt could trigger it in the time it takes sound to travel two inches."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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