Commonwealth Games Latest: English Team Registers 'Catalogue Of Complaints'

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 28 September 2010

image for Commonwealth Games Latest: English Team Registers 'Catalogue Of Complaints'
Building number 4067 has a dripping tap

Complaints about the Commonwealth Games village in Delhi really started to get into gear this morning, after England's first batch of athletes moved into the much-criticised facility on Monday.

The 48 competitors from the hockey, lawn bowls and shooting squads had been staying in hotels over the weekend, but after Indian security chiefs gave the all-clear, they were given an armed escort to the village clad in bulletproof vests and helmets.

With 36 more athletes arriving on Tuesday, England chef de mission (laughs) Craig Hunter said:

"It's nowhere near perfect, but, I suppose, the accommodation is acceptable. If you're a pig, that is."

Asked about just what the specific complaints were, Mr Hunter said:

"All the teams have concerns, the most serious of which is that the accommodation is so small, that there is absolutely no room for the athletes to practise in their rooms. This is especially a problem for the lawn bowls unit.

"The hockey team say they have already damaged furniture trying to stay match-fit, and the shooters have broken several windows, which all has to be paid for. It's a disaster."

Athletes have also raised concerns over the food, which they say is:


The Games authorities have also been lambasted for the intense heat that India experiences at this, or any other, time of the year. Mr Hunter again:

"Traffic is also an annoyance that our team will have to put up with, and the fact that the local Indian population likes to listen to its television sets at an extraordinarily-loud volume late into the night. The rooms have no toasters, kettles for a cuppa, DVD players, sunken baths, or Venetian blinds. It's nothing like home. To make matters worse, there is a tile coming off the wall in building number 436, and in the bathroom of building number 4067, there is an intermittent drip coming from the hot tap, which could potentially cause a sleeping problem for the athletes in that room. I've never seen such disorganisation in my entire life! They should never have given the Games to India. Totally uncivilised, not like us British!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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