FA Cunning Linguists ban Howard Webb

Funny story written by Rebel Not Taken

Wednesday, 18 May 2011

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Linguists at the Football Association have banned managers from using the words Howard Webb.

Any reference to the bald policeman and top referee Howard Webb will incur a big slap on the wrist.

Stoke manager Tony Pulis is the latest avant garde poet to combine those two radical words in an inflammatory sentence.

Scottish Rabbie Burns fan Sir Alex Ferguson and Italian post Imagist Carlos Ancelotti have already been warned of their future linguistic conduct.

FA spokesman Arthur Slaphead-Mason has confirmed that the FA will come down like a ton of pricks on any use of the H and W words.

"We will not tolerate this cavalier deconstruction of the English language"

Pulis is a well known fan of Wittgenstein and Derrida and his revolutionary theories are seen as a potential threat to football semantics.

Other bohemian Post Expressionists such as Ian Holloway and Mick Mcarthy are already planning ways to flout the FA regulations.

Tangerine Olly has revealed on twitter that there is a list of alternative words being bandied around that managers can get away with if they want to illegally refer to Howard Webb.

An undisclosed source has shown us this list and it contains words such as plod, slaphead and bastard in black.

It is only a matter of time before the FA bans these words too.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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