Written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 20 April 2011


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image for Neil Lennon In Trouble For Returning Letter To Sender
"...address unknown, no such number, no such zone..."

Celtic manager, Neil Lennon, the man who received an unwanted bomb in his mail last week, is himself in hot water with Strathclyde Police this evening after putting the parcel back in the post in order to take the advice given out in the Elvis Presley ditty 'Return To Sender'.

Lennon, a Presley fan, has received various unwanted items in his mail recently, including loan offers, information about insurance deals, a letter telling him he'd won a cash prize in a Readers Digest competition, and bullets with his name on them.

Said Mr Lennon earlier:

"I got this bormb. I didn't want it, I hadn't asked for it, it just turned up, loik. I thought the only reasonable thing to do was to take the advice of the King of Rock 'n' Roll, himself, and 'return to sender'. Now I've got the rozzers crawling all over me house."

A police spokesman said:

"Och, Mr Lennon is a little bit upset about receiving so many death threats, bullets and now this, a very dangerous explosive device. But the thing to do is to let the police deal with the problem, not go taking the law into your own hands. As I'm sure every one of your readers will know, two wrongs don't make a right. Turn the other cheek, as the Good Lord would have done, and forgive those who have sinned against us. We will get around to interviewing Mr McCoist in due course."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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