Written by P.M. Wortham

Friday, 18 March 2011

image for Crosby Approaches Red Wings for 2012 Trade
Crosby in practice gear at a recent Detroit warm up skate.

Shocking the professional hockey world in what was supposed to be private and highly clandestine negotiations, NHL branded superstar, Sydney Crosby has approached the Detroit Red Wings organization for a potential trade that would bring him to Hockeytown in 2012.

While Crosby's current contract with the Pittsburgh Penguins runs through 2013, his agent, Manny Saweezle suggested that Sid the Kid had grown tired of carrying the Penguins on his back all these years, though admitted "He does sort of like the spotlight". The move would apparently align Crosby to a team with deeper talent where he wouldn't be relied on as often to carry the team to victory. "Sid isn't 18 anymore. He would like to kick back and take it easy, while of course maintaining his captain status and the modest NHL title as the Savior of Professional Hockey".

Somehow expecting the Red Wings to welcome Crosby with open arms, buy out the remainder of his contract, make him team captain, build him a new arena, and name specific concession foods after him was a bit much for the Red Wings front office to take.

Once the news of the initial introductory meeting hit the press, spokesman for Ken Holland, Wings GM commented, "Crosby is a talented player to be sure, and any team would be lucky to have him but we're not sure he is a good fit within our current organizational structure". Knowing NHL team management to be the best in the world at the use of cliché and misleadingly positive generalizations, Detroit Free Press reporter, Mickey Finn, translated that quote to mean, "He's an overpaid, spotlight grabbing whiner who expects the world to be laid at his feet. We told the bum to hit the road".

Though the deal appears to be dead, one of Crosby's demands was reportedly met and will be featured at the Joe Louis Arena concession stands next season. The "Crosby Weiner" will be featured as a child sized hot dog, with half the spice and all the gas.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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