Customer Care In Scottish Football "Awful"

Funny story written by grimbo

Wednesday, 16 March 2011

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The Scottish Football Supporters Federation has just completed a report on customer care standards and its a damning indictment on the shoddy way clubs still treat their fans.

Each club's performance was rated 0 - 5 on the following - catering, parking, condition of seating, stadium friendliness, entertainment..........

The worst offenders were , not surprisingly, the Old Firm who struck out on most counts.

Celtic were heavily criticised for the lack of parking near the ground, not only forcing visiting fans to leave their cars miles away from Parkhead but also exposing them to countless offers of "watch yer motor, mister ?", the refusal of which opened them up to various threats and intimidation. So much so that many fans reported that, by the time they got to the ground, they felt as if they'd been participating in an episode of "River City".

Both clubs got minus points for the quality of music on show. Although the public address systems at Ibrox and Celtic Park were streets ahead of any other club's, the content of the crowd chanting was roundly pilloried. Many fans were offended by the overtly inflammatory content of the songs on offer, provoking some to admit they preferred listening to the secular expletives of Dundee fans' "F * C K Y O U, F * C K Y O U " instead.

Dundee United was roundly condemned for the prehistoric seating in their legoland stands, the seats in Old Rickety Wooden Stand at the Arklay Street end in particular incurring the wrath of visitors, many likening the experience to "sitting in an Uzbekistan Airways single engine Cessna" with 3 months of Deep Vein Thrombosis treatment as a permanent reminder.

More to follow.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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