Somali Pirates to buy Manchester City

Funny story written by Bill Licks

Saturday, 6 November 2010

image for Somali Pirates to buy Manchester City
Swimming in money

Mega-wealthy Somali pirates are set to buy Manchester City from current owner Sheikh Mansoor.

At an estimated cost of 500 million the pirate consortium lead by Captain Jamel Sparrow will take control of the club before the Manchester derby against United on November 10th.

Sheikh Mansoor is believed to have had enough of buying overpriced footballers who aren't actually very good and is set to use his windfall to buy himself several new famous wives including Cheryl Cole, Katie Price and the cast of The Only Way is Essex.

The Somali pirates who specialise in hijacking large ships and taking British pensioners hostage are currently the wealthiest people on the planet, having recently received a record ransom of 200 million dollars for a North Korean tanker carrying nuclear warheads.

They have revolutionary ideas about how to get the best out of Manchester's second club by kidnapping the player's wives and children and holding Roberto Mancini's scarf to ransom until results improve on the pitch.

'I have the utmost respect for Mr Mancini' said Captain Sparrow 'But we're not going to let him have his scarf back until City are top of the league.'

The Pirate consortium also plans to bring in a number of new signings to help strengthen the current City squad.

'We will have Wayne Rooney, Lionel Messi and David Villa playing for us by next week' added Captain Sparrow.

'We plan to convince clubs like Manchester United to sell these players to us by boarding the good ship Old Trafford and not leaving until that old seadog Alex Ferguson gives us Wayne Rooney.'

'We can guaranty the fans that by the end of the season we will have the Premier League trophy, the FA Cup, the Europa Cup and the Champion's League trophy.'

'We might not necessarily win these competitions but we will acquire them by using other means and stash them in a large treasure chest which we will then bury on Southport beach, under the pier marked by a large 'X' in the sand.'

'And I'm going to get myself a new pet monkey like that pirate bloke has in the Pirates of the Caribbean film.'

'Because if he says he's too depressed to play football at the moment then Carlos Tevez can sit on my shoulder eating bananas all day.'

'That should cheer the ugly little bugger up a bit.'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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