Heisman Trophy Re-Cast to Reflect Athletes Demand for Bling

Written by P.M. Wortham

Thursday, 16 September 2010


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"No, man. It looks more like me".

Following three consecutive years of pressure from its most recent winners, the long standing and original design of the Heisman Trophy will be recast for 2011, showing a fistful of dollars in the player's extended arm, and some gold bling around his neck.

Though football historians and aficionados have joined in violent agreement against the re-casting of the trophy, lamenting the loss of a significant tradition, college athletes seem to support the change. "If I'm gonna win, I want the trophy to look like me", says Junior running back from Ohio State, Kendu Butkantspel. "I want broader shoulders and a tighter booty, and its got to have the bling, man."

New Heisman designer and accomplished urban sculptor, Ivanna Moorhead, likes the shift from old realism to the nouveau. "So many sculptures reflect traditional or just aged realism styles. This is a chance to update the look and reflect the spirit of the new athlete".

Moorhead has already prepared several models for the new Heisman, including a muscular nude figure standing against a gull wing Mercedes, and another muscular nude figure with a football between his legs and a ho on each arm. The NCAA put the kibosh on the nude figure aspect to the trophy and props not related to the game of football. "Which led me to the final design, keeping the overall pose of the football figure, but holding cash and wearing a thick gold chain", says Moorhead. "I'm hoping to stick a little bulge in his back pocket as well, where he would normally keep his stash."

The new Heisman figure, appropriately nicknamed by current collegiate players as "Payday", will be unveiled at the 2011 Heisman awards ceremony.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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