Insiders say that Wayne Rooney has been left with little option other than to consort with prostitutes and ladies of the night in order to alleviate severe symptoms of hay fever.
Leaping to the defence of the baldy scouse 'Once a blue forever a Manc' former Evertonian granny bonker, Micky McWhack, a kop end scouser said:
"Let's get this straight lar. I might not know how many k's there are in the word Chickkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkken, but Wazza's a Mickey Mouser at the end o' the day like, an' dat, an even dough he's an Evertonian - he's one of us, like Stan Boardman, Cilla Black, Buck Tarbrush, dem Beatles fellas an' Bill Shankly. An' dat Pete Burns tranny lad what sung 'You Spin Me Right Round' when he was in Dead or Alive. Or wuz it der Faaaaarm singin' 'All Together Now' about der war an' dat.'
It appears that Micky McWhack, despite his loathing of Manchester United and all things Mancunian, feels he needs to defend Wayne Rooney by saying that his penchant for paying prostitutes and grannies for sex is a necessary evil, undertaken purely to alleviate horrendously irritating hay fever symptoms.
"Der lar's got no choice. He either dips his wick with deppies or he gets itchy eyes and a runny nose. What would you do lar?" McWhack said.
Which we thought was fair comment. For £1200 a pop.
More as we get it.