USGA Changes Rules for Drivers

Funny story written by C. Cranium

Sunday, 1 August 2010

image for USGA Changes Rules for Drivers
New Zero Wood as choice to replace driver.

Tired of that slice into the woods that guarantees a double bogie even if all the other shots are your best ever? Or maybe you are frustrated and intimidated by the water on number two at your local club. That is the water that requires you to hit the ball at least one hundred thirty yards to clear - and you slice it to the far reaches of the water on the right, or you line drive the ball in the mud at one hundred twenty nine yards.

The USGA has addressed the driver problems experienced by amateur golfers everywhere. And at the risk of controversy, or pissing off the PGA, the USGA has approved a new non-club club, to be used in lieu of a driver. The alternative driver is really a launcher that will propel a ball up to two hundred yards in the air. It can only be used from the tee, and must be swung as any other club.

The USGA, in the interest of keeping the game interesting, and to combat shrinking revenues has painfully reasoned that change is necessary. You rent a cart to keep yourself fresh for the next shot. Why walk and get all sweaty. Your driver affects all your play so why continue with the game wrecker? Put the driver away and make the game less frustrating.

The new 'club', or Zero Wood, is based on a potato launcher modified to golf ball specifications. It is shaped like a club with a very fat shaft. As you swing the Zero Wood you must release the ball at the proper trajectory and the club takes over and fires the ball. Adams is the first to market with their 'Flamer'. Nike and Taylor Made have hinted at similar products.

The new rules go into effect October 1, 2010.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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