Written by MonkeyInTheBath

Wednesday, 9 June 2010

image for World Cup opening ceremony to be controversial
Mandela admires a rehearsal for the World Cup opening ceremony, in which he will be ritually slaughtered

This Friday, the 2010 FIFA football World Cup begins in South Africa with a spectacular ceremony. The ceremony is said to represent all that is great about South Africa, and is intended to be an even more amazing spectacle than the opening ceremony of the 2008 Beijing Olympics.

In the planned World Cup opening ceremony, Nelson Mandela plays a leading role. He drive a car around the main Soccer City stadium in Johannesburg, chasing a live lion as if on safari. Just before he is about to shoot the lion, he himself is car-jacked, and appears to be mutilated by seven attacking township-folk. Each of the car-jackers is dressed to represent the competing continents.

After that, the carjackers march on a fort manned by Michael Caine until he can "see the whites of their eyes", upon which he opens fire, representing the colonisation of South Africa. Then Michael Caine himself is murdered and car-jacked by the ghost of Nelson Mandela, representing the ending of apartheid. In the end of the ceremony, the arena becomes a bloodbath, and random members of the audience are murdered, while smiling footballs are launched from throughout the stadium.

FIFA's Sepp Blatter has endorsed the opening ceremony, saying "this is what football is all about".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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