Maria Sharapova Shaving Tips!

Funny story written by Morgan Truce

Sunday, 6 November 2005

image for Maria Sharapova Shaving Tips!

WIMBLEDON, England (SPORTS SPECIAL) Maria Sharapova is turning all heads at Wimbledon in her direction. The blond, leggy Russian girl is the #1 reason most people even show up for these tennis matches.

Sharapova has become the leading face of women's tennis since she won the title last year at the All England Club, taking the spotlight away from sisters Venus and Serena Williams and replacing Anna Kournikova as the WTA Tour's cover girl.

Reporting for The Spoof, Morgan Truce caught up with Maria Sharapova as the young beauty was about to enter the shower. "Tell us, Maria, what tips do you have for young girls who are just getting started in tennis?"

You've got to treat your body very well," said Sharapova. "Diet, proper workout, and a good tennis coach all count in this game, but I'd be the first to admit that looking your best is a good way to get the tennis fans on your side. People say that I'm lucky to be so pretty, but that embarrasses me a bit."

"One thing I do for all my fans is to make sure that I give my body a good overall shave before each match. You know, we Russian girls have more than a little peach fuzz here and there to contend with. When we're not playing tennis for a couple months, we don't bother shaving every day."

Maria and her Russian girlfriends
after not shaving for a few months...

"But when I'm out on the tennis circuit, If I didn't spend at least four hours a day shaving, the fans would be all grossed out by my body hair."

"I like to start out by using the Oster Shearmaster clippers with the standard 3" wide head, 13-tooth comb. Yes, this unit is designed for sheep and goats, but it works great on us Russian girls too!"

"The Oster takes care of the really heavy stuff for me. Then I get all lathered up, making sure to use a very hot lather from a barber machine. I've tried many razors in the past couple years: Gillette, Shick, and all those electric razors, but I have to admit that I just can't get a better shave than I get from an old fashioned straight razor. I run it up and down my long legs, my well-muscled arms, and pay particular attention to my pits."

"After shaving my armpits, I find that spreading out on a bed of tennis balls is the best way to get air-dried" balls.jpg

Morgan Truce: "Well, that's very interesting Maria, but what all of your tennis fans really want to know is how Maria Sharapova shaves down? uhhh? down there!"

Looking just a little embarrassed by the question, Miss Sharapova invited the reporter into the shower to watch exactly how this last shaving detail is performed.

Morgan Truce has offered Spoof readers a full report on the special shaving details by email.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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