Crawford, Texas -- President Bush said today that he was "surprised" by his administration's new plans to require all citizens of Texas to show their passports upon re-entry in to the Washington, DC area.
"When I first read in the newspaper this morning that citizens of Texas would not be able to get in to Washington without their passports, I said to myself 'what's going on here?'" said Mr. Bush. "I immediately got on my cell and called Dick, but I just got his voicemail. God that pisses me off! Better change my number again."
The new policy, which has been in the planning stages for months, was announced shortly after Mr. Bush left Washington for his meeting with Mr. Sharon in Texas. The policy is simply aimed at preventing Texans from traveling easily throughout the country. The other 49 states are not effected.
"I started to get scared when I realized that I had left my passport on my dresser drawer," said the President. "I just couldn't understand why they would do this to me."
"I finally gave up on Dick and called Condi. Had to leave her a message too, but at least she still calls me back sometimes," said Bush. "I told Condo to tell members of her department and those of the Department of Homeland Security to see if there is enough flexibility to let me get back to Washington just this once without my passport. Kind of like a 'get-out-of-jail free card, you know?"
The President has been pushing Congress to liberalize immigration laws in order to establish a 'guest-consumer' program for millions of Mexicans and Canadians. Several days before leaving the Capitol for his ranch in Crawford, Mr. Bush gave a speech to the National Society for Effective Consumerism. "One of the most important things we can do is to encourage our neighbors, both east and west of the borders, to come to in to the U.S., not for purposes of terrorism, but consumerism. Canadians and Mexicans who intend to buy goods will only be required to make a statement to that effect at the border, and will then be allowed to shop to their hearts content in this great country of ours."