It's Not All Roses On Valentine's Day

Funny story written by Harry Porter

Monday, 14 February 2005

image for It's Not All Roses On Valentine's Day
Arrows of truth are flying in the mountains of Slovenia.

With St Valentine's Day once again on the horizon - spare a thought for the Bohinj area in Slovenia where February 14 is a day not only dedicated to the heart but also to brutal honesty.

This region beneath the Julian Alps is one of the few areas in the Western world that recognises two saints on the 14th - Valentine and the lesser known St Abraham of Harran.

While roses and romance are the order of the day for the former, St Abe is remembered for converting an entire population of a Lebanese town to the Christian Word, and Bohinj still holds to the tradition of shining a light on those who are deemed to have strayed from the path of righteousness.

Delmer Cards is one of the few manufacturers to commemorate the day, but most Slovenians who participate tend to make their own messages - and they certainly don't do it the way St Abraham would have intended.

Take, for instance, the villagers of Ukanj who never quite took to the headteacher in their local primary school.

Last February 14, the poor schoolmaster received a hand-made card signed by all 63 pupils and every single parent which simply read:

'No more ifs and no more buts
This whole village hates your guts'

The local newspaper, the Ribcev Laz Observer, was on scene to record the official presentation and the headteacher was transferred within a month.

Bartek Kronskijana, Central Europe sales director with Delmer cards, has seen a dramatic upsurge in sales in Bohinj, with a year-on-year growth of 25 per cent over the past five years.

"We now sell around 8,000 cards in this corner of Slovenia and it really has become a bizarre cult celebration," he explained.

"Bosses, ex-lovers, former friends? they are all in the frame for what people see as some home truths.

"Certainly it can be cruel, but it can also be a wake-up call to the recipient.

"It many respects it is less sinister and disturbing than an anonymous card, filled with sexual innuendo."

And Delmer's top seller?

"It is definitely the ?To My Boss' card," said Bartek "It's plain, simple and to the point and is extremely popular."

To the point, it certainly is:

'All year long, I don't make a peep
But today's the day I tell you
You're nothing but a creep.
I know you'll wonder who it's from?
Well, it could just about be

'Get a life you money-grabbing warthog
Happy St Abe's Day'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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