Written by Hugh Plonnka

Monday, 8 March 2010

image for Salary Cap to "destroy Premier League"
John Terry, a player deserving of at least the proposed salary cap

Norwich - Radical plans to overhaul the pay of Premier League footballers were announced Monday by Chief Executive Lord Peter Scudamore.

"We are committed to ensuring that: our fans get value for money; our players are paid according to what their clubs can afford and; the days of agents leveraging salaries for their own gains can be put behind us once and for all."

Scudamore continued "the salary of any Premier League football player will be capped at £350,000 a week, with bonuses limited to £1,000,000 per player per week."

While few will argue that such plans are exactly what is needed to prevent the professional football 'bubble' from bursting, PFA Chief Exec Dennis Taylor immediately called TalkSport to tell Ian Wright "I've not got all the facts, but I'm pretty sure that if these new rules are brought in, any player who feels they are worth more than the basic salary cap, of, what is it(?), just £350 grand a week(?), will be well within their rights to go to the European courts and challenge this absurd ruling."

Scudamore's long term nemesis Willie Carson was quick to jump on the bandwagon. "Yet again Scudamore proves what a donkey he is.

If these plans go through, I can see them destroying the Premier League.

All what will happen is the top clubs, your Manchester Uniteds, Chelseas and Arsenals will be trying to get relegated to the Championship, where such sanctions will not be in place, so they can continue to pay their players what they deserve.

And the Premier League will be overrun with the Doncasters, Scunthorpes and Plymouth Argyles of this world."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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