Written by victor nicholas

Thursday, 21 January 2010

image for Andre Hagassi Takes Australian Open by Storm
"Fookin Pansies!!"

Scottish tennis sensation Andre Hagassi is cutting a swath through top seeds here at this year's Australian Open.

Wearing a tartan outfit that looks more suited to the woman's game Hagassi has been using aggression and a power game to defeat more skilled and nimble opponents.

Fellow Scot Andy Murray says "He doesn't manage to hit many balls with that long sharp metal racquet of his but his opponents don't manage to hit many back either."

Andre's unusual tactic is to rush the net screaming horrifically with his racquet held high over his head, leap over the net in a single bound and then with a strong forehand chop off his opponents service hand and while still in the crouching follow-through position come back with a two-handed backhand taking off his opponents head.

So far referees have been awarding the first point to Hagassi's opponent for following the play into his opponent's court.

Once Hagassi has dismembered his opponents they almost always withdraw from the match and victory is all but assured for the aggessive Scottish player.

Murray likes Scotland's Davis Cup chances this year.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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