Tiger Woods Says Wife Has Ruined His Clubs

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 10 December 2009

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No, no, no, Elin! Use the 4-iron!

Tiger Woods, the world's number 1 golfer and philanderer, has criticised his wife for her part in last week's accident outside his Orlando home, and says she has "completely ruined" his golf clubs.

Elin Nordegren, who is originally from Sweden, where there are many good golfers, used Woods' clubs to break the windows of his 4X4 Cadillac Escalade when she realised there was a danger he might be unconscious. She reasoned that, should he fail to regain consciousness and die in a subsequent fire, her days of 'living it up' would be over and done with, and she hacked merrily away at the rear windscreen.

Woods, though, says that, to choose a metal driver, even in such a pressurised situation, was "cavalier" at best, and strongly accused his darling wife of further incorrect shot selection when she then deemed to carve up the rest of the vehicle using a pitching wedge, clearly underclubbing.

Speaking to a girlfriend this morning, Woods said:

"She should have used a 4-iron. That's women golfers for you!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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